


Unhealed Wounds

by jedi_penguin



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Foreshadowing, Pre-Relationship, post episode: s4ep10 And Some Dude Named Jeff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedi_penguin/pseuds/jedi_penguin
Summary: Cassandra and Jenkins have a chat after the events from "And Some Dude Named Jeff."  She gives him a lot to think about.





	Unhealed Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> I started this immediately after "Jeff," but couldn't think of how to end it. "The Trial of the One" gave me an ending, but left me too gutted to write it. Time heals all wounds though, so here you go.

He walked through the front door of the Library, tired but happy. For the first time since he regained his mortality, Jenkins was actually looking forward to sleep rather than viewing it as an annoying impediment to his work. Perhaps sleep would turn out to be as nice as food, if he started approaching it in the right way. If he developed a fondness for slumber, perhaps he would even consider getting an apartment with an actual bed. The cot he had been using over the past couple of weeks didn’t seem to be doing his back much good. 

He stifled a sigh when he saw that there was a light on in the Annex. Stiffening himself up for an unwanted conversation rather than his coveted sleep, he relaxed when he entered and saw that Cassandra was the sole occupant. Talking with her was never a burden.

“Oh, hello.” She looked up with a shy smile as he entered. “Did everything go okay with your appointment?”

He smiled back at her. “Very well, if I do say so myself.” She looked quizzical, so he elaborated. “It was my campaign.”

Her puzzled frown deepened. “You’re running for political office?”

Jenkins grinned. “I was playing D&D. I convinced the group to make me dungeon master. A vast improvement of Schmidt, in my opinion.”

“What’s a Schmidt? Also, you’re playing D&D? With whom?” She paused, then scowled. “Oh. Of course. Jeff the Jerk.”

Now it was Jenkins’s turn to frown. **He** was the primary victim of Jeff’s body-snatching spell, and if he had forgiven the man, why should Cassandra have a problem with him? It couldn’t be that she was jealous that he was making friends outside the Library, could it? That seemed rather ungenerous of her. Not waiting to make that accusation out loud, he made his voice as bland as possible when he responded, “Oh, he isn’t so bad, once you get to know him.”

“Hmph. Maybe. Just don’t allow him to corrupt you with all of his sexist garbage.” She scowled again. “The next time the words ‘don’t worry your pretty little head about it’ come out of your face, I’m slapping it. Friends only get one pass from me with crap like that, and Jeff used yours up.”

Huh. Given Jeff’s obsession with the Librarians, it had never occurred to Jenkins that he might be rude to them while he was here. Havoc with the artifacts, yes, Jeff had wreaked plenty of that, but how much damage might he have done to the Caretaker’s personal relations? That was far more concerning. Cautiously, he began probing for information. “Jeff told me that he confessed to his body-switching, but Mr. Stone suggested that he only did so **after** you had already determined that I wasn’t myself. So, was it the ‘pretty little head’ comment that tipped you off? I hope you know that that simply isn’t me.”

“I do know that. I mean, you could hardly have been friends with Charlene for fifteen hundred years if you’d ever talked to her that way.”

Jenkins gave a startled laugh. “Hardly! You once suggested that Colonel Baird could ‘kick my ass.’ I rather doubt that, actually, but Charlene certainly would have, without a moment’s hesitation.”  
Cassandra smiled. “I know, which is why I was too startled to call you out—or, rather, **him** —about it at the time. Hence, me letting it go. But no. That wasn’t what gave him away.” Her face twisted into an expression that Jenkins couldn’t interpret. “It was when not-you hit on me. He was rather… crass about it…”

Jenkins let out a deep breath. This **did** complicate things. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Cillian. After last year… I’m sorry. That must have felt…” He left the sentence dangling, because he wasn’t quite certain how it must have felt to her. Unkind? Mocking? Downright cruel? He suspected that it must have felt like a malicious hand ripping away a bandage from an unhealed wound, and it killed him to think that it was his face and voice that had done that to her. In all honesty, he probably didn’t want to know what not-him had done to his friend. 

Leaving his thought unfinished must have been the correct choice though, because she suddenly gave him a slight smile. “See, I knew you would understand why that bothered me so much. **You** would never suggest, uh, what Jeff suggested—“

A sudden tightening in his chest led Jenkins to interrupt. “And what did Jeff sug— Uh… never mind. I suspect I don’t want to know.”

She giggled. “You really don’t. You might have to go slay him, or whatever knights used to do when their female friends were insulted, and the Portland Police Department would definitely frown at that.” He gave her a wry grin, which unexpectedly sobered her. “But see, the thing is, I could **almost** see you going there. Being interested in me, in **that** way, I mean. You would never **say** it in that way, and you would never **do** it in that exact way, but the general desire might still be there.” She seemed to realize that she wasn’t making much sense and smiled sadly again. “I mean, you would never try to finagle a meaningless hook up. Probably not with any woman, but certainly not with me. You just wouldn’t. But it might be possible for you to be physically attracted to someone, and to pursue it in a less demeaning way.”

Physical attract—? Jenkins sighed. He thought he had put this to bed last year when she’d asked him out on a date, but apparently not. “Cassandra…” He stopped, suddenly realizing that he didn’t know what to say to her.

Again, she understood what he didn’t speak aloud. “I know what you said last year, but it’s different now. Isn’t it? You’re mortal, so we aren’t ‘different species’ any longer. Assuming that we were even then, which I’m still not willing to admit. But we sure as hell aren’t now.”

She might be right about that, but that had never been the true impediment. “But I’m still a knight.”

“Are you? Now that you’re mortal, are you **still** a knight?” Jenkins felt a shock go through his entire system. **Was** he still a knight of Camelot? He’d never even thought of asking himself that question before. It was so central to his identity that he couldn’t imagine **not** being a knight, but maybe…. “And even if you are, does your vow still bind you, now that Charlene is… gone? I mean, what happens to a knightly vow when the other half of the equation isn’t there any longer? Marriage vows are ‘till death do us part;’ wouldn’t your vow be roughly similar? And I know it hurts, but death **has** parted you. So mightn’t your vow be over now?” 

An invisible spear suddenly went through his chest. He wasn’t okay with Charlene’s absence. He didn’t think he’d **ever** be okay with it. This was the first time he’d even considered the idea that her passing might finally grant him his freedom, and he was in no way prepared to answer her question. “I… don’t know…”

She smiled, but there was no happiness in her eyes. “Yeah, I don’t know either. So that was the reason I didn’t call Jeff out immediately. I mean, it seemed plausible to me that your sex drive might have kicked in along with your new-found need to eat and sleep, and it also didn’t seem out of the realm of possibility that Charlene’s passing might have made it possible for you to be with someone else now. And if, after a millennium and a half of celibacy, you found yourself wanting sex, how would you go about getting it? Wouldn’t it make sense for you to approach someone who had already expressed her attraction towards and interest in you? So you propositioning me for sex? It didn’t seem crazy to me. Might even have been inevitable. Which means that Jeff hitting on me wasn’t the dead giveaway that you might have thought it would have been.” Jenkins opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Damn Librarians. Once he gave them the facts, they always ran ahead of him. She took pity on him. “But the **way** he did it? No way that was you. Even if you were hoping to have sex with me, and even if you were ready to ask me for it, I just can’t see you starting out with ‘hey, babe! Let’s go make some magic!’”

“He didn’t! Oh, Jeff…“

The smile she gave him was a bit more genuine. “And even if that **was** your style, which it totally isn’t, but even if it was, I still can’t see you saying that to **me**. Not to me. Not after last year. That would have been…” Affection for him glowed in her eyes. “You may be rude on occasion, but I’ve never seen you be crude. And I know for a fact, just as clearly as I know my own name, that it isn’t in you to be cruel. Not you. Not ever.”

He was unexpectedly touched by her faith in him. “Well, I thank you. I’m sorry—very sorry indeed!—that you had to deal with Jeff’s inappropriate clumsiness, but I’m equally glad that you know me well enough to disassociate me with his inexcusable behavior.” He grinned wryly. “I would hate it if you thought me capable of a line like that. Such lack of finesse and originality!” He sobered again. “But Cassandra? You’re making some assumptions about my mortality that I’m—“

“I know. I’m sorry if you’re embarrassed, but they aren’t assumptions; they’re deductions, any one of which might be wrong. Maybe your vow does still hold you. Maybe you’re asexual and don’t even have a sex drive. Maybe you’re into men, or you do like women but not redheads. Or maybe you think of me as a younger sister and would be grossed out at the thought of being with me. Any of those might be true—hell, they might **all** be true!—and that would be totally fine. But if you **are** interested in pursuing a relationship with me, I want you to know that that door isn’t closed off.” He sighed heavily, and she began speaking quicker in order to prevent him from interrupting her. “Look. I’m just stating a fact, **not** throwing myself at you. You don’t need to worry that I’m suddenly going to start sexually harassing you or that the Library will turn into a hostile work environment. I wouldn’t do that, any more than you would treat a gal pal the way Jeff treats women. And even if I was that terrible of a person, I happen to value our friendship a great deal—like a **lot** —and I have no intention of risking it by making you feel uncomfortable.”

He sighed. “I appreciate that. Very thoughtful. But if you’re not inviting me out on a date again, what **are** you saying?”

“That I’m perfectly satisfied with the friendship that we have together, but if you ever start to think that you would like more out of it, well, that sounds pretty good to me too.” She smiled brittlely, and his heart broke a little. “I like having you in my life, Jenkins. I’ve never in my life enjoyed anyone’s company as much as I enjoy yours, and I’ll take as much—or as little—of it as you want to share with me.”

“Well. I… uh…”

Cassandra laughed, but there was a sad quality to it. “Don’t worry. Like I said, it’s fine if you’re in the same place with regards to dating as you were last year, but please, **think** about it. Don’t just assume that you’re still bound by your oath because you always have been. You’ve undergone a **lot** of changes this year, and I don’t think you’ve really looked at all the repercussions.”

“I, uh, will.” He smiled, and Cassandra visibly relaxed. “I can’t promise you anything other than to really think about my situation, but I **will** do that.”

She smiled. “And it’s not like there’s any kind of rush. Assuming that you’re physically about as old as you look, you have twenty or thirty years ahead of you before your mortality really starts to become a problem. You seldom go out in the field, and it’s not like anything could ever harm you in the Library, so you’re **fine**.”

He nodded, because she was probably right about that. But she was also completely wrong. “The life span for Librarians isn’t particularly lengthy, however.”

She gave him a cheeky grin, completely inappropriate for the warning he’d just given her. “Then don’t take **too** long about it. But honestly, Jenkins, I just can’t see anything too dire happening to me so soon after losing my tumor. I don’t believe the universe is that cruel. There’s time for us, and I happen to think you’re worth waiting for.”

Jenkins didn’t thank her because he didn’t want her to think that he was promising anything, but his heart swelled with gratitude. Somehow, he was certain that Cassandra knew.


End file.
